5275 Master / Apprentice

[Brekk]

Sounds like it’s a good thing we only spear fish, from land...

[The Painted Man]

I miss you so much already.

XOXO,
Not a Kraken

[Brekk]

Talk again in 3 seasons!

[The Painted Man]

The world dims and grows cold. We have been reduced to the slaughter of elves to protect our homeland from their misplaced aggression, the Barbarians run uncontested against the Watery Ones and one-titted women are attempting to backdoor the peoples of The Untamed Lands. Surely the apocalypse is near. We read of this in ancient tomes and know that only a heartfelt "you were right i was wrong please don't kill me" from the Elf and Halfling both will save them, and our world, from domination at the hands of the dominatrix and her trickster. That and probably a town or two as reparations. Maybe a city. And the apology thing.

The struggle is real, and it continues. We lament the coming deaths of Legolas and Warwick Davis. We wish it weren't so, but have heard no offers of peace nor requests for leniency (which would likely be listened to, you knaves!).

Light be with you all in these most trying times.

Hugs and kisses to all your pink parts,
Mr. Ranger

[Strylian]

Those tights must be getting awful tight. It sounds like they are bringing tears into the eyes of the Rangers.

[The Painted Man]

Those tights must be getting awful tight. It sounds like they are bringing tears into the eyes of the Rangers.

We do not take glory in the slaughter of our enemies. The drums of war create a bittersweet symphony for us. Through blade and bow we cleanse the world, but not without remorse. Only our spandex continues to provide a ray of sunshine in these times.

[Brekk]

"the Watery Ones and one-titted women are attempting to backdoor the peoples of The Untamed Lands"
We have discussed this before your troops rolled into Mythgar with sword and fire attacking the weak men and children. I was just heading to the Untaimed lands for a decorating party, so it seemed more than fair to reciprocate your crimes done in my lands, in yours. Now that the battle has begun in earnest you cry for help from those you have taunted and attacked, like a school yard bully put in his place and by a girl no less....
Stop the flow of tear, straighten that back, untighten those tights and face me well like a woman or continue to cry like a man and we will put you in the nursery with the rest of the children.

[The Painted Man]

"the Watery Ones and one-titted women are attempting to backdoor the peoples of The Untamed Lands"  
We have discussed this before your troops rolled into Mythgar with sword and fire attacking the weak men and children.  I was just heading to the Untaimed lands for a decorating party, so it seemed more than fair to reciprocate your crimes done in my lands, in yours.  Now that the battle has begun in earnest you cry for help from those you have taunted and attacked, like a school yard bully put in his place and by a girl no less....
Stop the flow of tear, straighten that back, untighten those tights and face me well like a woman or continue to cry like a man and we will put you in the nursery with the rest of the children.

I invited you to the party before, but you couldn’t sneak away from Papa Illusion. So now the Elf and I shall dance, with fighting you after being a weak consolation prize.

[Ashgar75]

"the Watery Ones and one-titted women are attempting to backdoor the peoples of The Untamed Lands"  
We have discussed this before your troops rolled into Mythgar with sword and fire attacking the weak men and children.  I was just heading to the Untaimed lands for a decorating party, so it seemed more than fair to reciprocate your crimes done in my lands, in yours.  Now that the battle has begun in earnest you cry for help from those you have taunted and attacked, like a school yard bully put in his place and by a girl no less....
Stop the flow of tear, straighten that back, untighten those tights and face me well like a woman or continue to cry like a man and we will put you in the nursery with the rest of the children.

I invited you to the party before, but you couldn’t sneak away from Papa Illusion. So now the Elf and I shall dance, with fighting you after being a weak consolation prize.

Lord Ranger,

While I would agree that the end is near and that the victor in this match will most assuredly not be myself and the little people, I want you to know that our hostilities were in no way personal.  We simply targeted the strongest position on the map.  I do see that my forces are overmatched by your battled hardened leaders and troops.  I am well aware as are you that this battle will not go the way I wish to see it go.  I will remind you that one battle does not make this war any less enjoyable, or any less certain.  Should we be given time to enjoy these hostilities, I assure you that my Elven Forces will be weakened, but shall live to see the fall of your great kingdom.  I completely understand the position you were put in.  Attacked from the North, and also from the Southwest.  You had to decide which way do you fight back.  Indecision would have been a sure path to destruction.  If you went West, I am certain that once we stopped tripping over the little people and stopped enjoying 2nd breakfast with the little people, we would eventually march into the untamed lands.  Your fate was sealed when the hostilities were started.  Now your people and ours are left to fight for as long as the victors allow us to enjoy.  We will take these battles for the experience they are and enjoy them to the fullest.  I applaud your determination, and I assure you that I am attempting to turn these battles into the best outcome I can for now.  In time I will gain the advantage, but I don't believe I will have that time.  

We wish you good hunting and hope this first battle doesn't go as poorly as we are expecting at this moment.  We shall see.  

Lord of the Elves.

[The Painted Man]

Sir Elf, you are as eloquent as the Amazon is butch. We shall make sure the eulogies we sing for your fallen are as beautiful as they are creative.

We look forward to shorter lines at the tights store.

PS no offense taken. The attention, however misplaced, is flattering.